I Feel Like It's Already Happened.

I'm sure it's a personal projection of some kind - at least I should be. But it doesn't feel that way.

It feels as though someone has made a very important phone call - one of those ones where you feel like you're filled with ice water and you're shaking, but you sound normal. What came out of their mouths came out as something smart and strategic, but it was really a plaintive wail and a desperate plea. The person on the other end didn't hear it cry. They didn't make much of it - dispense with it quickly. They did think about it after they hung up, but they went back to work, then turned on the basketball game for a few minutes, had a glass of water and went to bed. In the morning there was just another full day.

But not on the other end. The night was easier than expected on that end. There was a feeling of relief, even a wry laugter. On that end they watched a good chunk of the basketball game and woke up feeling pretty good. Felt a little odd at breakfast, but had some orange juice - very refreshing. A few butterflies, but they headed in bright and early. Certainly a priority list today!

Meetings were fast and precise - they were professionals energized by the task of high-speed problem-solving. The situation was bad, but the rhythm was good. Then around 10 somebody freaked. Whether it was that woman who cried or that guy you knew was going to be a problem really blowing his stack - I mean losing control - it's hard to remember. Suddenly nothing was happening properly. The call and response was way off. The rhythm was broken and knuckles got very white.

Then an hour or so later - hard to tell - there was that weird feeling of suddenly not knowing what to do - having nothing to do, really. You couldn't call X until Y called back. The numbers were going to take at least two hours. The lawyers hadn't arrived yet.

You never knew what "it's over" was going to feel like - certainly you didn't imagine this. Then you realized that "over" meant having so much to do and no way to do it or get it done. "Over" meant that the many things you needed to do were now going to find you, instead of the other way around.

And then all of us found out.